Defining the Dark Ages, or Why Your Childhood Favorites are Actually Horrible

Have you ever heard of an NES game called “Kickmaster”?  It was an action sidescroller starring a dashing young hero, leveling up his magic and kicking his way to save a beautiful princess.  Fighting monsters and knights and ogres, it was a harrowing tale of love, danger, and kicking.  When I was a child, I was absolutely engrossed in this little title, playing all the way through and actually completing the game, which is a feat considering the unreasonable difficulty.

Kickmaster is, as it turns out, a horrible game.

How about “A Boy and His Blob”?  No, not the recent, critically acclaimed Wii remake.  I’m talking about the original Nintendo NES version.  Many friends of mine are similarly in love with this game, going through insane hoops to make any substantial progress in the game.  My only play session lasted about five minutes, after which I became thoroughly frustrated and gave up.

A Boy and His Blob is also a horrible game.

What do I mean when I say horrible?  I mean that they just don’t stand up to common standards of quality.  The controls don’t make sense.  The artwork is poor compared to other games in that time period.  The Core Experience is muddled and the goals confusing.  In short, if you were to play the game for the first time right now, you wouldn’t give it a second thought. WAIT! There is more to read… read on »